


A Deal That Seems Worth Taking

by Impossibly_Izzy



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: (but only a tiny bit), Asexual Anne, Charity and Anne are extremely chill with the whole thing, Friends to Lovers, Internalised Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Open Relationships, Philip is probably biromantic, Pining, Polyamory, bisexual Phineas, distinct lack of period-typical homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impossibly_Izzy/pseuds/Impossibly_Izzy
Summary: To start with, Phineas believed he must be imagining the way Philip was looking at him. Whatever it was, it was probably only significant inside of Phineas’ distracted mind. But once he’d started to notice it – or started to imagine it – he’d been looking at Philip a little differently too.





	1. Chapter 1

To start with, Phineas believed he must be imagining the way Philip was looking at him. He couldn’t quite explain, even to himself, what exactly this way _was,_ but something about it felt different. Maybe Philip was looking at him a little longer or a little more intently, or maybe it was something about the way he seemed to overcompensate by _not_ looking at Phineas.

Whatever it was, it was probably only significant inside of Phineas’ distracted mind. But once he’d started to notice it – or started to imagine it – he’d been looking at Philip a little differently too.

He felt like, somehow, he’d never properly seen Philip before. Never taken in the colour of his eyes, the shape of his mouth, the energy that filled him whenever he stepped into the circus ring. And now that Phineas was noticing these things, he was finding it hard to look away.

Since reopening the circus, Phineas had been happy to hand over the ringmaster title – and hat – to Philip and spend more time with his family, but that didn’t stop him from coming back from time to time to watch the show. To start with, it had been fascinating to watch all of the acts from the audience, to see his show come together like a perfectly functioning machine. But now, Phineas found it hard to focus on the performers.

Philip twirled around the ring with all the confidence of a man who was in his element, his every move assured, his elaborate uniform fitting him perfectly. _That_ was something else Phineas was noticing now. And something about it made his bones feel weak.

He knew that if he gave a name to these feelings, if he in any way allowed himself to acknowledge that he was feeling them, it could be disastrous. He was a respectable man – well, respectablish. Or, at the very least, respected by people who meant a lot to him. And if anyone caught on to the fact that he was looking at Philip in this new way, looking at him with fascination, with _desire,_ then all of that could be ruined. And there was his _marriage_ to think of, his _family_.

When Philip stepped out of the ring, he made his way straight over to where Phineas sat. The applause of the audience thundered around him, but Philip took all of Phineas’ attention.

“What did you think?” said a grinning Philip.

“Great, as always.” Said Phineas. “You’re a great showman.”

“But not as great as you, huh?”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Phineas protested, grinning.

“Fancy a drink?”

 

When Phineas stumbled in through the front door of his wife’s parents’ house, the grand entryway was dark. God, he couldn’t wait to get his own house back. He expected the whole household to be asleep, but when he reached his bedroom, he found Charity still awake, sitting up in bed and bathed in the glow of candlelight.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me.” Said Phineas, grinning at her as he shrugged off his coat. He was a little drunk, if he was being honest.

“I want to talk to you.” Said Charity, so calm and serious that it dissolved Phineas’ tipsy smile. He had undone his tie, but now he stopped undressing and looked at her.

“About what?”

“About…” she looked away from him, licked her lips nervously. Drew breath. Whatever she was going to say, Phineas feared it would not be good. Maybe she was about to criticise him for staying out drinking too late, or about spending too much time at the circus when he was supposed to have handed over responsibility. “I’ve seen the way you look at Philip.” She said, and Phineas felt his blood turn cold.

He stood, frozen, his brain rapidly trying to come up with a reply that wouldn’t make everything worse. But all he managed to say was “What?”

“You used to look at me like that.” She said with a sad smile. He couldn’t answer, just staring at her. “Phineas, I’ve always know that life with you wasn’t going to be quite like life with anyone else. Because _you’re_ not quite like everyone else. That’s why I love you.”

“Charity.” He said finally. He moved over to the bed and sat down beside where her feet lay under the quilt. “Whatever you think is going on – I would never be unfaithful to you.”

“I know that, Phin.” She said softly. “But I want you to understand – when I saw that article, that picture of you and Jenny Lind -”

The sound of the name was like a knife being twisted in Phineas’ stomach.

“I was angry, Phineas.” She continued. “I was angry that you’d let your ambition take over, that you’d lost sight of what was important. But I don’t think this is like that.”

“This isn’t like anything.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” She was watching him intently, and Phineas was terrified that his face would give away the mix of emotions he was feeling right now. Anxiety, and embarrassment, and… hope. “But if you want it to, if it turns into anything, I want you to know that it’s okay.”

“That…” his voice caught. He couldn’t quite believe that they were discussing what he thought they were discussing. “That what is okay?”

She drew a deep breath, and then said “That you’re having these feelings about Philip.”

Phineas couldn’t meet her gaze anymore. Charity had put words to something that he’d never expected to be said out loud, something that he had hardly been able to acknowledge to himself. His face was flushed with embarrassment, his stomach sick with nerves despite his wife’s apparent lack of anger. She knew, she’d admitted that she knew, so why wasn’t she angry?

He got up slowly, turning away so she couldn’t see his face. Still moving slowly, trying to think, he took off his tie and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“Phineas?” Came Charity’s hesitant voice from behind him.

“Why aren’t you angry?” the words fell out of his mouth, suddenly hurrying as he turned back to her. “You’ve just told me that you believe me to desire another man, and you’re not angry. You keep saying that it’s okay, but how can you think that? I’m a…” and he stopped, because he didn’t know what he was. Many words came to him, none of them pleasant.

“I want you to know,” she said, “that I’ll only be angry if you let yourself get distracted again. But if you… were to act on these feelings, I wouldn’t be upset. I love you, Phin. And I love all the peculiar things about you. Do what you need to do, but don’t lose sight of what matters.”

He couldn’t digest her words, could barely grasp what she was saying.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” she said softly.

Phineas couldn’t speak, he just nodded.

“I think I know you better than you know yourself sometimes.” She said with a smile.

“That is certainly true.” He admitted. And then, because he had to say it, had to make sure she knew “I love you.”

“I know.”

“And I desire you as much as… If not more. I always will.”

She smiled at him, and this time there was nothing sad or soft about it. “Come to bed, Phin.”


	2. Chapter 2

Philip told himself that he was imagining the way Phineas was looking at him. Imagining that tension between them, that electrifying feeling every time they spoke. Imagining the way Phineas seemed to single him out from the rest of the performers every time he came to the circus.

He told himself he was imagining it, because he wanted so desperately for it to be real.

Practically since they met, Phineas had been inspiring all kinds of impure thoughts in Philip’s mind. Which was nothing new – Philip had been having these thoughts about other men since he was young, but his upbringing of religion and decorum had taught him to squash any feelings that society wouldn’t approve of. So he’d distracted himself, sometimes with his playwriting, and – when that inevitably failed – with drink.

But when Barnum had taken him to that bar, and offered him a way out of it all, it had broken some kind of seal inside of Philip and every indecorous feeling inside of him had begun to flood out. The circus was a home to everyone who had disappointed their parents, a place where everyone who society deemed a freak could feel normal. Which, it turned out, included Philip.

On his first visit to the theatre, Philip had seen Anne as she swung through the air towards him. And he knew he had to meet her, to talk to her, that she could be the person he’d been waiting for. That even if he never wanted her in the way that a man was supposed to want a woman, he could love her in every other way possible.

And if that disappointed his parents, it was nothing to the way they’d feel if they knew the truth about him.

So Philip went after Anne even when she pulled away from him, and when he saw her sadness at letting him go he was more determined than ever to be with her, to make her happy. That is, until Phineas turned up to the circus for the second night in a row. Even when he was focusing on his performance, Philip was hyperaware of Phineas watching him from the front row, and he made his way over as soon as she show was over.

“Missing it?” said Philip with a smirk.

Barnum smiled but said nothing. There was something about him, about his expression, that Philip didn’t understand.

“Are you alright?” said Philip, more seriously. He leaned closer, so that he could talk quietly and be heard despite the noise around them. “I thought you wanted to spend more time with Charity and the girls – I don’t want to pry, it just seems odd for you to be here two nights running.”

“Everything’s fine with them.” Said Phineas. “I came to see the show again. To see you again.”

The idea that Phineas really was just here for him sent a thrill through Philip, but something was off. Phineas seemed so uncertain, so lacking in his usual overconfidence. It was vexing.

“Shall we talk?” he said.

“Sure.” Said Phineas. He got to his feet, and followed Philip out of the stands, out of the tent and into the cool night air.

“Are you sure you’re okay, PT?” said Philip, as they walked around towards the back of the tent.

“People are going to think its odd if you keep running off to see me after every show.” Said Phineas.

“That’s not an answer.”

“Charity and I had an… interesting conversation last night.” They came to the wooden caravans that the circus performers had been using as a backstage area since moving to the tent. Phineas took off his hat and looked at it, like he was avoiding Philip’s gaze.

“About what?” Philip asked, cautiously. Phineas was opening up to him, and he didn’t want to push his luck.

They stopped walking and Philip turned to face Barnum, even though it was too dark to properly make out his face.

“She said some things that I’m still thinking over. About our relationship. And she knows some things about me that I never thought another person would find out.”

Phineas’ words triggered a nervous buzz somewhere inside of Philip. He wasn’t sure what Barnum was trying to tell him, but he certainly understood how it felt to have parts of you that nobody would ever see. He took a deep breath, tried to keep up his bravado, but he was very aware of how close he was standing to Phineas.

“I didn’t think you two had any secrets from each other.”

“I thought I _did_. There are… things about me that I don’t publicly display.” Phineas’ voice was a low growl.

“Me too.” Said Philip. He leaned a little closer, and he could feel Phineas’ breath on his face.

“I wonder if maybe… we have the same secrets.” Said Phineas, leaning closer still. Philip’s stomach was a knot of nervous anticipation, because he was starting to wonder exactly the same thing.

When Phineas’ lips met his, warm and firm, it was everything Philip had wanted. He leaned into the kiss cautiously at first, but Phineas pulled him closer with a hand on the small of his back and Philip allowed himself to kiss him with the force of the desire that had been building up unchecked for months. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, that their bodies were pressed together, that Phineas’ hands were pulling needily that his clothes, that his teeth were tugging at Philip’s lower lip.

Philip couldn’t help but let out a low moan into the side of Phineas’ mouth; he was already feeling more aroused by this kiss than he ever had with a woman. And, when Phineas pushed him up against the side of the caravan and pressed his body against Philip’s, he could tell that it wasn’t just him. Phineas was hard against him, and this knowledge sent a jolt of arousal through Philip.

But then a thought cut across Philip’s mind, a thought that distracted him from the ecstasy of the fact that this was finally happening. _Anne._ And then, _Charity._ And then the floodgates inside his mind were open, and every reason that they shouldn’t be doing this crashed over him.

Philip jerked his head away from Phineas’. Not realising that anything was wrong, Phineas started trailing kisses across his jaw and down his neck.

“Wait, Phineas.” Philip gasped. They had to stop, he was sure of it, but the feeling of Phineas’ hot mouth on his throat was amazing. “Stop - what if someone sees us!”

Phineas sprang away from him, and in the faint light Philip could see that he looked equal parts flustered and terrified.

“What was I thinking?” hissed Barnum looking around them. “We’re out in the – anyone could have -”

Philip was still leaning against the side of the caravan, panting slightly. “And Phineas – what about Anne? Charity?”

“Charity gave me her blessing” said Phineas, looking pained as he hastily straightened his clothes. “That’s what I was trying to tell you – but foolishly I didn’t think about Anne. I shouldn’t have imposed myself on you like that – I should go.”

He swept up his hat from the ground – he must have dropped it when he kissed Philip – turned on his heel, and stalked away. He left Philip alone in the dark, anxious and guilty but most of all wishing that they hadn’t had to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos on the first chapter! I'm glad you guys liked it :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably isn't sexy enough to warrant the M rating, but I thought I'd err on the side of caution. Hope you guys like it!

Phineas felt terrible. He hadn’t meant to do anything, had only intended to see Philip perform again. But he hadn’t been able to hide the fact that something had changed, and when Philip showed concern for him he had let everything spill out of him. And while a part of him was glad that he’d expressed his feelings to Philip – and while a large part of him found it impossible to regret those kisses – he couldn’t bear the idea that he had come between Philip and Anne.

Charity had given him her blessing, but Phineas had forgotten to take Anne into the equation. How could he have been so foolish? Anne and Philip had had to fight to be together, and here he was, driving Philip to be unfaithful.

He had left the circus along with the audience from the show, silently aching amidst the cheerful noise of the crowds. He had gone home to Charity, who had wanted to know what was wrong, why he was acting so strangely, but he had refused to talk about it.

The next morning, he was still in turmoil. He resolved to pretend it had never happened, he reconsidered and decided to talk to Philip about it, and then he would start thinking about their encounter last night and be overcome with guilt again. Eventually, he got on a train to the city, but he still hadn’t decided what he was going to do once he got there. He went back and forth in his mind, until he arrived at Philip’s lodgings and finally decided that the best course of action was simply to apologise.

Phineas knocked on the door, and to his surprise it was opened by Philip himself.

“Philip.” Phineas took off his hat and watched Philip’s expression carefully. Was Philip angry that he was here? “May I come in?”

“Of course.” Philip said mildly, stepping back to allow Phineas into the small apartment. He put his hat down, but kept his coat on. He didn’t know how long he’d be here for, after all.

Philip pushed the door closed, and Phineas took a deep breath as he prepared to apologise, to acknowledge what had happened between them, to accept that it could never happen again. But he never got the chance – Philip turned around and grasped the lapels on Phineas’ coat, pulling him into a deep, hungry kiss.

Phineas was out of breath when they broke apart, and when he spoke his voice was unsteady. “What about Anne?”

Philip grinned. “I talked to her.”

“You didn’t break it off with her, did you?”

“I told her about what happened. And she was surprised of course, but she wasn’t angry, so I confessed that I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want men. The way I want…” his voice trailed off, but his eyes met Phineas’ and they were full of meaning. Philip’s face was nervous and vulnerable, but gorgeous. God, was he gorgeous.

“And?” said Phineas. He was desperate to kiss Philip again, to feel their bodies together the way they had been the night before, but his conscience wouldn’t let him do that until he understood what had happened between Philip and Anne.

“She told me that did not desire me in that way either – apparently she has never had those feelings towards another person. So we agreed to be together in every other way – I really do love her.”

“And I love Charity.” Said Phineas quickly.

“But…” Philip’s voice was low and seductive, “You and I are free to behave however we want.”

And then they were kissing again, and Philip’s hands were tugging at Phineas’ clothes. His coat came off, and then his tie, and then they were stumbling into the bedroom. Phineas couldn’t believe they were finally doing this, that he was pushing Philip onto the bed, that he was straddling his hips as he kissed him hungrily.

Phineas kissed Philip’s jaw, which he’d been aching to do since he’d had to stop last time. He was chaotic in his desire to kiss Philip _everywhere_ , his mouth roaming over Philip’s chin and ears and neck. And when he reached Philip’s collar bones, Phineas unbuttoned his shirt so that he could run his hands over Philip’s smooth chest. Philip’s hands were at his back and in his hair, and then they were sliding to his hips and thighs, and he kissed Philip ravenously as they rolled over on the bed together.

And now Philip was on top of him, grinding against him, their legs tangled together as the friction between them made him moan with pleasure. Phineas was so used to being with Charity – at this point he knew every inch of her body better than his own, and they knew exactly what to do when they were together. But with Philip everything, every touch, ever movement, was new and exciting and utterly transfixing.

When they eventually stopped, it was only because Philip had to get ready for that evening’s show. By the time he’d got dressed in his showman finery and they’d paused for a few more desperate kisses, the two of them were almost late to the circus.

And when they did get there, there was a surprise waiting for them. In the back of the tent, where the performers were gathering, was Charity.

She looked over when Phineas and Philip entered, and smiled when Phineas met her gaze. When he was that she was standing with Anne, he didn’t know if he should be worried. He hoped that he didn’t look too rumpled after his time at Philip’s lodgings.

But they were both smiling as the two men had walked over to them. Charity leant over to kiss Phineas on the check. “Hi.” She said.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” He said. He was very aware of Philip at his side, aware of the fact that an hour earlier they had been lying mostly-undressed on his bed.

“You disappeared, and I thought this was the most likely place to find you.”

“I’m sorry.” Said Phineas, a little flustered. “I wanted to, um, talk to Philip before the show.”

Charity gave him a knowing smile.

“I guess you had a lot to talk about.” Said Anne, smirking at them. Phineas’ face was hot, he didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Charity and Anne knew what was going on between him and Philip.

Philip cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’d better, um, get ready for the show.” He said, and disappeared into the crowd.

“Me too. Nice to see you!” said Anne, and she went after him.

Phineas turned to Charity. He didn’t know how she could stand there looking so happy and composed considering everything she knew.

“We should invite them round for dinner.” She said. “It’s about time. And you don’t need to look so embarrassed.”

He was definitely blushing, and now she was definitely laughing at him. God, he loved her.

“Will you stay for the show?” he said.

“Of course.”

So as Philip whirled around the ring that night, as Anne swung through the air above him, Phineas and Charity watched from the front row. And Phineas was definitely watching Philip differently than he had when they’d met, and whenever Philip’s eyes met his they shared a moment of glorious anticipation, a moment of knowing that they didn’t have to look away.

And it was the greatest show on earth.


End file.
